Defeating a Giant! What does Grimsby Town’s win tell us about the impact of our beliefs on loss and grief..

I am not a Grimsby fan, if fact I know very little about them but like many, I was engrossed watching their penalty battle with Manchester United.  The faces of the Grimsby fans, storming the pitch in celebration after beating the Goliath of football were something to behold! The joy, the disbelief, the happiness! It was life affirming to see.

Why do we react like this to football and what does it have to do with how we deal with grief and loss?  How we approach events in life whether these are football matches, job interviews, exams, or relationships is often impacted by our assumptive world view.  How do we see the world? What do we believe in?  All these views and values, many of which may be unconscious, impact how we respond to events, and we make sense of what’s happening around us. We can see that the Grimsby fans (and players) are invested in the view that anything can happen in football- otherwise, why bother taking 12 penalties against a team like Manchester United. I wonder if the confirmation of that world view was part of the jubilation for the Grimsby fans? If this is possible, what else could be possible in our lives? It gives us full reign to dream that anything could be possible.

Photo by Ahmet Kurt on Unsplash

But what happens if the experience is not positive? For people who are coping with sudden estrangement, bereavement or other traumatic losses, their assumptive world view is vitally important and has a huge impact on their mental health.  How do we make sense of a world that previously felt safe to us, when a loved one is killed or murdered? How do we parent when we know that babies can die? How are we open and authentic in relationships if we have been rejected by our family?

These questions are necessary to the process of grief but are often stigmatised in society.  Very few people are open and able to face the possibility that the world may not be safe as shown by the common reaction of blame.  In my role within a suicide bereavement charity, I heard many upsetting stories of people being avoided or even blamed by others for the loss of their loved one, so scared are people often of facing the fragility of life.   This isolation and stigma can serious impact someone’s mental health and may leave them struggling with anxiety and depression.

Photo of a man looking out onto a lake contemplating by Lukas Rychvalsky on Unsplash

Uncovering, reviewing and accepting assumptive world views is a task that someone may need professional help and support to do.  Counselling helps us discover what views we may have had, understand how they are impacted by our experiences and think about what this means for us going forward.  With the right support, we can discover that world views can change and be flexible yet still give us support to enable us to live our lives and make decisions in line with our values.  

You can contact me for counselling, online or in person in Sevenoaks, Kent via the “Contact Me” section of this website. To find out more about the therapy that I offer, please do look at the rest of my website.  I am a registered practitioner with Axa Health, Aviva, and Vitality and your therapy may be covered by your insurance if you have a policy with them.